Breaking-in Period

Walking through the doors of a school as a fledgling education major for Core 1 was this wild combination of exciting and terrifying.  I have walked through many (MANY) school doors as a student and as a parent of students, but never as a would-be teacher.  I don’t think anyone was as hyper aware of my anxiety about the whole thing as I was.  I felt like the odd man out those first few visits.  Then something really cool started to happen – I started to feel like the shoes were beginning to fit. 

                     

That break-in period for shoes can be brutal.  If you have broken in a pair of tall (8 eye or so) Dr. Marten boots or the like you understand 100%.  Blisters, rubbing, love the look of the shoes (shiny! great color!) but your feet are hating you every second of the day.  Slowly though, day by day, the rubbing stops, the blisters heal and your feet forgive you.  Before you know it, the shoes feel like part of you and your feet actually love you again.  You thought the shoes looked good before but now they feel even better than they look and you don’t want to take them off. 

Teaching has been like breaking in that pair of shoes.  The first time was nerve-wracking and I was not sure I would be able to go through with it.  I know that sounds melodramatic and some folks will say, “it is just teaching,” but to an anxiety prone mind the ramifications of failing are blown totally out of proportion.  Core 1 and Core 2 were like teaching-light – a few hours and a few lessons enough to know that I could do this at least on a small scale.  In Core 2 I had a placement where I was able and encouraged to jump in a lot more and I could feel myself settling into my shoes - the blisters were startin g to abate. 

Then along came Core 3.  Thankfully, part of the break-in process was done and over.  I will always be grateful that WSU has us in the classroom from the very beginning.  This August on the first day when I walked through the doors of school that will likely be my home away from home for the rest of the school year I felt a bit nervous, but not ready to bolt back to my car.  A huge improvement from Core 1! I was greeted warmly by everyone I met in my building.  And it has only gotten better – the shoes are so much closer to being broken in.

Every day is not perfect, but every day is more comfortable. Every day I feel more like I belong – like I have something to contribute of my own – not just teaching someone else’s lessons with their materials, not just dropping in and seeing students for an hour a week – I really know my students this time around – what a difference that makes!  Those lovely shoes that were so uncomfortable on the inside during Core 1 are no longer giving me blisters or making my feet sore.  They are that much closer to being perfectly molded to my feet.  For the first time in my long line of career choices – I feel constantly energized by my work, by my students, my peers and my mentors.  My building feels warm and welcoming and I wear a smile every day when I am there.  This is huge for me – I am not a naturally social person – but at my school, with my peers I feel like I have somehow found the place where I fit.  Where I truly belong. 

I have searched for this lo these many years.  I could be envious of those who found it at an age younger than mine, but I think for me, all my work/job/career experience before this has contributed to my ability to really thrive and enjoy this process – this breaking-in period.  Of all the shoes I’ve broken in these shoes – these perfectly colored almost perfectly fitted teacher shoes – are the ones I find fit the best and make me the happiest.